Bila Besar Nanti Nak Jadik Apa?

Call me old, but I have this bad habit of asking the same questions when I first interact with children. I like to call it adult-to-kid-small-talk. The questions usually range from the basic "Nama apa?", "Umur berapa?" to the slightly deeper "Sekarang belajar darjah berapa?". Recently however, I've started to add a few sophisticated questions in to my repertoire of adult-to-kid-small-talk. One of them being the infamous "Bila besar nanti nak jadik apa?".

A few months ago I had the opportunity to join a Charity Club to a visit to a special school for blind children in JB. The school which doubled as a dormitory housed probably around 60 students from pre-schoolers to high school students. The program lasted for 2 days and around 40 students from UTM were there to entertain and motivate the children.

During my period there, I was amazed at how these children behaved despite their disability. I would hold my breath every time I saw students run along the narrow corridors, expecting them to bump in to something or fall when they instead maneuvered skillfully around poles and skipped across stairs as though they could see with each confident step. I was equally amazed on how cheerful the students were, how their condition did nothing to pull them back from enjoying life and the experiences that came hand in hand with them. I guess these are the benefits of being children.

Unfortunately though, I am cursed as an adult. I was left pondering and wondering about the children's future. Every time I looked at their cheerful faces, I couldn't help but wonder the adversities they might and would probably face. Excuse my pessimism, but what idealistic future could sustain these special children? A future that would allow them the same opportunities every other children has and provide them with success equaled to their efforts. I realized with a bad taste in mouth, that the world was far from being ideal. And I wasn't the only one. I could see a number of the facilitators break, their heads bowed slightly, hiding the tears filling up in their eyes.

The program ended with smiles and laughter of course. A few teary outbursts occurred due to the separation but was quickly dried up by the anticipation of promises to yet again meet. Hugs and shakes were exchanged with a mixture of both love and respect from both sides. I would like to believe that we somehow made an impact even though slight on these children's lives. Wishful thinking perhaps, but one can hope.

I wish the best for these children and hope that their futures hold a much more easier path than the one my hampered realistic mind could limitly imagine. Call me weak, but I just didn't have the strength to ask them, "Bila besar nanti nak jadik apa?".

Blogging off....

Pak Daud

Recently I've been trying to routinely have breakfast every morning. Like they say, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. However, I'm not graced with breakfast at the house table every morning, so I take the alternative and stop by a local Malay restaurant for my usual roti telur and teh tarik.

While eating, my thoughts drifted (thoughts tend to drift when you're eating alone) on my childhood visits to Pak Daud, known for his delicious roti canai. Or that is how I remember it to be. Those were the times when mamaks didn't dot the entire geographical landscape. It was small shop close to school, where some kids with spare school money would go to hang out and get their roti canai fix. I was one of them. You couldn't really call me a regular since the meager allowance provided by my generous father didn't really allow frequent visits. However, the few visits I had were very pleasant and the memories of how good a simple roti canai could be kinda got cemented in my memory. Until now, I haven't had the opportunity to taste a roti canai to even rival Pak Daud's, but again, probably I did but the whole experience of saving up for roti canai in those days probably made me appreciate those particular visits even more. At that age, it was like a rare peek in to adulthood. Eating at a restaurant of your choice (my parents have never been there) and paying for your own food made me feel like a miniature adult.

These days kids probably prefer and are able to afford stuff like mcDonalds and try to avoid eating roti canai with their precious allowance. Times have changed I guess, and will continue to do so. I continue munching on my roti telur, losing my appetite half way through. Pushing it aside, I started to proceed to the counter to pay for my food when I found myself wondering, "what ever happened to Pak Daud?".


Blogging off....

Raya Adha Wishes

Happy Raya for those celebrating it. Hopefully you'll be either along side family or friends with enough food stuffed in you to last for weeks.

--Blogging off....

Spoon Boy

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Never thought Spoon boy could be so enlightening... Can't wait to meet Fork girl.

Blogging off....

Cat Conversations (or I would like to think so...)

I enjoy talking to my cat. My dad thinks I'm crazy, but Comel does respond when I talk to her. While most would deem her responses as generic mixtures of different meow tones, the timing of her responses are amazingly accurate. So, I'd like to believe in my head that she does try her best to communicate. An example of our conversation this morning.

Me : Comel, I'm going off OK.
Comel: Meow. (I'm a Huuungrryy.)
Me : But you just finished a whole tin of tuna!
Comel: Meeow... (Well, I'm a growing cat...)
Me : You know the Dr. told you to watch your diet.
Comel: Meowrrr! (The Dr. can go and suck my paw!)
Me : I'm going to work. Chew on the rug if you're hungry.
Comel: Meurghh. (Whatevaaaa ugly man.)

She's cute like that.


-- Blogging off...

Warm Socks

You know what kinda sucks in the morning. Not being able to find a clean pair of socks. I was tempted again not to wear socks to work but thought otherwise, since words like discomfort, odor and foot disease kept nudging me in the head.

Out of options and desperate, I did the ultimate taboo and gathered the courage to rummage through my fathers wardrobe cabinet. Usually I wouldn't have the balls to do so, my father being very picky about people disturbing his stuff and all. But since he was away with my mom honeymooning at some distant land, he probably wouldn't even notice (Hell would ensue if he did of course).

Finding a pair of comfy Grey ones, I put them on and was hit with the realization that I haven't worn any of my father's clothes since my days in primary school. I remember every time he'd be off out-stationed, I'd go and rummage through his clothes looking for something to wear. Don't really know why, but I kinda enjoyed the feeling of his big clothes over me, the ends dragging on the floor when I walked around. The fabric felt comfortable and had my father's familiar scent, and was probably why I liked it so much. It wasn't long before my brother would do the same, and we'd end up being a pair of legless torsos skimming across our house parquet floor.

A warm fuzzy feeling enveloped me and made me realized how much we kinda missed our father when he was away. Probing further in to the memory, hoping to rekindle something more, a sudden chill jolted me. I suddenly recalled that my father didn't appreciate the idea of his favorite clothes being dirty, stretched and torn when he got back. The aftermath was usually not pretty. Feeling a lump in my throat, I swallowed and reminded myself to wash and put the socks back nicely as they were before he comes back.

-- Blogging off....

Rin', Mesmerizing Shakuhachi

Rin is a musical group that I came across when looking for modern hybrids of traditional Japanese folk music. The music they produce aren't a lot, but they compensate with extremely enjoyable to listen tracks. The Shakuhachi is a traditional Japanese flute which is very prominent in Rin''s music.

Here is one they are most known for: Sakura Sakura
Go ahead have a listen.

I suggest you listen while sipping a cup of hot green tea. Good for those stressful moments at work.

If you want to know more about the group here is a wiki about them in detail.

--Blogging off...

Kicked the sand castle

Well, I finally did it. Deleted my friendster account. Since making my move to facebook it didn't really make sense to have two different web apps spilling the beans on my life. Call me paranoid, but I try to keep my personal presence and information minimal on the web. Ever try putting your full name in google and seeing what pops out? You should, it'll give an idea how exposed you are on the web.

I've been using friendster since 2002 and so it makes the profile around 6 years old. I will definitely miss the extremely slow servers, incoming spam, clunky interface and constant down times that friendster adequately provided. Did I have any doubts before pressing the "cancel your account" button? Sure, a bit. Just hit by a pang of nostalgia by the people I've been able to stay connected with because of it. Which quickly dissipated upon realization that they are other much more effective alternatives to stay in touch, such as the good ol' phone call or the ever so convenient e-mail... and there is facebook. Haha...

Doesn't it bother you that having a personal profile on the web has somehow turned in to a required necessity? Oh well, here we go again.


Blogging off....

Digital me...

NXE (New Xbox Experience) update is out! The usual bells and whistles, however there has been a big revamp on the themes and gamer picture department. Now you are able to represent yourself with a digital version of you. Sure it's a bit cheesy, but hey it's fun, especially if you know your online buddies in person. (^_^)

Look mom! it's a digital me!

Blogging off....

Gears of War Party 1: Melaka Durian edition (part 1)

Date: 12th July 2008
Venue: Maxshinoda's home of residence
Activities: Gears, Bomberman, Durian consumption, Melaka Sightseeing.
Attendees: Maxshinoda (host), Friction, Ospe, Hasukyo

DAY 1
As planned (or more accurately, 5 hours after the planned time of departure... haha), we started to head off to Melaka to visit Maxshi and his promise of a truckload of Durians. The trip was uneventful, with nothing interesting along the way except a single incident where we mistakenly identified Maxshi as a motorcycle ice cream vendor.

After meeting up with Maxshi, he lead us to a nice condominium facing the beautiful ocean, where we would be spending the night. With Maxshi back off to work (and to pick up the durians), the three of us ended up walking 2 km to the nearest mamak for a bite to eat and drinks to quench our thirsts. After receiving peculiar stares from the table across (probably because of our discussion on whether devouring children would be beneficial or not: please refer to 'Bioshock'), we decided to leave the mamak shop and head back to the condo to freshen up.

It was a night of good food, delicious Durian, Gears extreme 4 player hosting matches, split screen headaches and Bomberman fun...

Good food:
Maxshi fiancee was nice to cook us dinner. The food was excellent, and I ended being the last one to finish (and Hasukyo the fastest as usual). It's been awhile since I ate 'sambal petai', I did have my fair share of them, but not to the extent of Ospe, who was feasting delightfully on them... haha... Maxshi also proudly introduce the other inhabitants of his home, which were a family of flying squirrels.


Gears:
After having a dinner, we proceeded to power on both Maxshi's and Ospe's 360. Using a router and split screen accounts, we did the unfair and started a room where all four of us had host advantage... haha... Complaints ran through out the games, with unfortunate visitors discovering that 4 local hosts resulted in more lag and more annoying hosts to cope with. Unfortunately playing in split screen proved to be quite a challenge and four of us ended up paying the price, especially in escalation. Overall, extreme fun, though split screen was slightly undesirable. Maybe one day we can have a LAN game with 8 Xbox 360s connected (Yay! no host advantage).


Delicious Durian:
Our Gears run was interrupted temporarily by the smell of durian, which meant that Maxshi had started cracking them open. The durians tasted great; my first durian in 4 years, it tasted as good as I remembered it to be. Hasukyo and Ospe joined shortly after we had our fill of as much durian as we could eat (as promised!).


Bomberman:
After we were burned out playing gears, Maxshi suggested that we play Bomberman. Surprisingly, Ospe never played Bomberman. At the beginning, most of us ended up on a personal suicide run, falling pray to our own planted mini explosions. Slowly we started to pick up on the gameplay, and honestly in my opinion, Bomberman was as if not more fun than the Gears session we had. Ospe was indeed at a disadvantage, being a newcomer and having no place to hide to chainsaw people, ended up strangely silent through the ordeal... haha... After a few rounds of rounds, everyone agreed that it was time to sleep and we headed back to the condo.

Next day we headed to Melaka (pics too) and a brief stop at PD>> Stay tuned for day 2 of the blog.

Blogging off....

Confrontation, facing it in the face

Everybody will come to a point in their life, where they consider themselves to have already achieved a certain level of satisfactory wisdom (by personal opinion of course). Symptoms of this disillusion are usually accompanied by familiar statements such as, "I can handle any situation that's thrown at me", or the familiar "I should listen more to myself rather than other people", or the more severe "My opinion is better than yours".

The biggest symptom of course, is when you constantly regard your opinions or thoughts higher than any other person's. Where your words seem to encompass the whole conversation and other people's words are but trivial. Of course to some degree, this is an exaggeration. But as a member of 'disillusion-wisdom-anonymous', I can tell you how warm and cozy it is to be in the 'I am wise' zone, and how much it is a strain and a pain to dip your toes in the cold freezing waters of anything else around it.

The disillusion, like most things that seem good, do not last. Rest assured, slowly, bit by bit, the zone will shrink, until one day you'll look over the edge, peer curiously at your own reflection, accidentally slip and drop face first in to the cold ice-like water. The sub temperature liquid numbing your senses. Your once warm lungs filled with frost. The realization of ignorance blinding your once sound judgment. Gone are the feelings of confidence, gone are the walls of dependability, gone are the mounds and hills of self-esteem. The only thing left is a husk, confused and lost.

Are things forever lost? Will the binds of confusion hold on?... Probably not. Fortunately, it is nature for people to persevere. Slowly you'll learn how to wade in the cold water, slowly will the vast span of water be more a blessing to you than and curse. Sure, you won't be as warm as you were before, but your strides will be long and you will be able to reach far. Farther than you thought you could.

The only regret going through your head being "Wouldn't it be great and a lot less painful if I could have dipped myself in the cold water slowly leg first".

Note:
I am lucky to have so many people around me to learn from (whether you realize it or not)... all I need to do is listen. If you happen to be reading this, thank you.

Blogging off....